Well, we came, we saw, we left. The farmers market was not the haven of gorgeous locally grown goodies that I thought it would be. My sister came over around noon and, after floundering a bit about whether or not we would even go today we decided to truck on out to the market. To say it was disappointing would be an understatement. Maybe it had been romanticized to a ridiculous point in my mind, I don’t know but I didn’t buy anything and felt a little let down.
We went to lunch and were both stressed out by our kids and left the restaurant feeling very tense. I read an entry at this blog http://happy-and-free.blogspot.com/index.html and saw myself described in the lines on the page:
The only words I could hear were “get down from there” and “don’t climb on that (a treehouse ladder!)” and “don’t swing him so high (a sturdy boy of three)” and “be careful!” and “Hey, no running (we were in a large backyard with loads of grass and the children were playing tag)” and “get down from that slide until he is done” and “one kid at a time on the slide!!” that was shouted with urgency, and even “you climb UP the ladder, and slide down the slide!”
The author was describing a recent get together at a friends house and how all the correcting and controlling listed above made her feel very uncomfortable. Check out her blog, it’s a very good read. After reading that paragraph I realized I am nowhere near my goal of being a relaxed parent. Whenever we’re out or at someone’s home I feel all the adult eyes on me when my kids start “acting up”. I’m not at the point where I don’t care what other people think about me or my parenting skills. I don’t want to care because the boys will certainly feel the ramifications of that. The restaurant was so stressful today because my sister and I were both worried about how all the other people around us perceived us as parents. What will it take for me to be at peace with myself and comfortable in my own skin no matter what my kids are doing? My kids are good kids. Sometimes they’re a little feisty and frankly I still don’t know what to do in those situations but I DON’T want to overreact and hurt their feelings because of my insecurities. I’m still a work in progress! Ah well, Scarlett did say that tomorrow is another day…