Good god. I feel horrible today. Like an abusive husband or something. Yesterday I was awful to the kids, it was like being on a river where everything is calm and then suddenly the water starts to move faster and you’re avoiding rocks and dips. Without warning you’re catapulted over the edge and hurtling like a rocket down a waterfall of extreme emotion and god help anyone who happens into your path. I can’t even go too far into specifics, friends because there were so many instances of my horrid, horrid behavior. A dirty playroom, ugly talk to me, not wanting to eat dinner except for ice cream and cookies and then coming in to me at 11:30 and wanting me to get up and fix him dinner. All of these things sent me careening down a path of extraordinary anger and I just yelled and yelled and yelled, and then I yelled some more. I was lost in anger and confusion and found myself wondering if I can continue to follow this way of life. I was feeling like they have all the choices and I have none, except to serve. See how bad it was? Now I feel hungover and tired and sad. I don’t want to treat them that way and it just came on me all of a sudden.
I just had to post that it’s not all sunshine and roses here. Got to keep it real. Yesterday was rough and today hasn’t been a lot better. I’m trying to get a grip and move on. Ryan has a friend coming over today and he’s pretty excited about that so hopefully once that happens I’ll have a few minutes to myself to regroup.
Hope things are more sparkly tomorrow! 🙂 Thanks for reading!