Well, we came, we saw, we left. The farmers market was not the haven of gorgeous locally grown goodies that I thought it would be. My sister came over around noon and, after floundering a bit about whether or not we would even go today we decided to truck on out to the market. To say it was disappointing would be an understatement. Maybe it had been romanticized to a ridiculous point in my mind, I don’t know but I didn’t buy anything and felt a little let down.
We went to lunch and were both stressed out by our kids and left the restaurant feeling very tense. I read an entry at this blog http://happy-and-free.blogspot.com/index.html and saw myself described in the lines on the page:
The only words I could hear were “get down from there” and “don’t climb on that (a treehouse ladder!)” and “don’t swing him so high (a sturdy boy of three)” and “be careful!” and “Hey, no running (we were in a large backyard with loads of grass and the children were playing tag)” and “get down from that slide until he is done” and “one kid at a time on the slide!!” that was shouted with urgency, and even “you climb UP the ladder, and slide down the slide!”
The author was describing a recent get together at a friends house and how all the correcting and controlling listed above made her feel very uncomfortable. Check out her blog, it’s a very good read. After reading that paragraph I realized I am nowhere near my goal of being a relaxed parent. Whenever we’re out or at someone’s home I feel all the adult eyes on me when my kids start “acting up”. I’m not at the point where I don’t care what other people think about me or my parenting skills. I don’t want to care because the boys will certainly feel the ramifications of that. The restaurant was so stressful today because my sister and I were both worried about how all the other people around us perceived us as parents. What will it take for me to be at peace with myself and comfortable in my own skin no matter what my kids are doing? My kids are good kids. Sometimes they’re a little feisty and frankly I still don’t know what to do in those situations but I DON’T want to overreact and hurt their feelings because of my insecurities. I’m still a work in progress! Ah well, Scarlett did say that tomorrow is another day…
I’ve certainly not mastered these sort of situations, either, (it’s not my intent to offer unsolicited advice, but rather encouragement) but I find it helps (when I’ve got enough presence) to just think… “Is he Really hurting anything?” or “is she disturbing anyone?” -raising an eyebrow doesn’t count!! 🙂
I’d never let them go to someone else’s table with catsup on their hands 🙂 but as for climbing under the table (especially if they’re not particularly viewable), or laying down in their chair (though I suggest to keep feet close to the floor for sanitary reasons) I don’t worry, usually. If they’re especially rowdy, I suggest we go run outside for a couple of minutes while we’re waiting for our food. I’ve done this Lots of times!
I also wanted to remind you that you were feeling very disappointed that your local farmers had let you down, and so were not at your best at the moment.
Don’t be hard on yourself – Us Mama’s are learning in freedom, too!
Stephanie
Thank you very much for your comment and advice 😉 You are so right that this journey is a learning experience for all involved not just the kids. In fact it’s probably harder for adults to get it than the kids. That’s how it is in my case anyway.
Thank you again for being so kind as to leave some comments here. They are truly appreciated.
Um- I didn’t mean to sound accusing when I said “not at your best”, but rather empathetic!
It is understandable that you were feeling a little under scrutiny.
It has helped me Immensely lately after reading something about “our culture is not child-friendly”. Other cultures are very different.
I like to think that I am dropping hints that they (the world) should consider changing their ways! 🙂
Happy healthy children make for happy, healthy adults, and as I see it, a happy, healthy world.
Stephanie
I didn’t find your comment to be accusing in the least! It was very helpful and I agreed with what you said completely.
Our culture sometimes doesn’t even seem people friendly let alone child-friendly. I can’t tell you how many times I have wished that we were able to just pack up our lives and move somewhere else.
Gosh, I hope that something in my response comment didn’t make you feel that I thought you had an accusatory tone because I didn’t feel that way at all!
lol, no, just over-analyzing my words, as usual.
🙂
Steph