Good god. I feel horrible today. Like an abusive husband or something. Yesterday I was awful to the kids, it was like being on a river where everything is calm and then suddenly the water starts to move faster and you’re avoiding rocks and dips. Without warning you’re catapulted over the edge and hurtling like a rocket down a waterfall of extreme emotion and god help anyone who happens into your path. I can’t even go too far into specifics, friends because there were so many instances of my horrid, horrid behavior. A dirty playroom, ugly talk to me, not wanting to eat dinner except for ice cream and cookies and then coming in to me at 11:30 and wanting me to get up and fix him dinner. All of these things sent me careening down a path of extraordinary anger and I just yelled and yelled and yelled, and then I yelled some more. I was lost in anger and confusion and found myself wondering if I can continue to follow this way of life. I was feeling like they have all the choices and I have none, except to serve. See how bad it was? Now I feel hungover and tired and sad. I don’t want to treat them that way and it just came on me all of a sudden.
I just had to post that it’s not all sunshine and roses here. Got to keep it real. Yesterday was rough and today hasn’t been a lot better. I’m trying to get a grip and move on. Ryan has a friend coming over today and he’s pretty excited about that so hopefully once that happens I’ll have a few minutes to myself to regroup.
Hope things are more sparkly tomorrow! 🙂 Thanks for reading!
So sorry to hear about your day, Evie.
I hope today was better for you.
I know that it is so easy (especially as an RU parent) to beat yourself up. I know there is also the tendancy to feel like a martyr sometimes. I totally have those kinds of days.
Today has sort of been one of them. Today we were trying to leave the park and I was really grumpy and I actually did the whole, “Okay, I am leaving without you,” thing. I am pretty embarassed to admit that! Tomorrow will be better for us and I hope it is for you as well, friend.
I’m sorry!
I have those days, too. Aagghhhh!!!
And a few days ago, The Naturalist made a contraption that held an egg safely while she dropped it off the balcony. The egg dropped, and then cracked, and when she asked me what I thought of her invention I told her I’d give it a C-. A C-!!! I graded her (and not very well!) and it was out of my mouth before I even realized it. Like i’ve ever made an egg dropper contraption, and like she needed my ‘assesment’. Ugh. It made me feel horrible.
Not all sunshine and roses, no…but better than the alternative!
Marin,
Thanks so much for your comment. It’s true that as RU parents it’s easy for us to beat ourselves up about our missteps and ironically enough, I was just telling Stephanie the same thing in reference to something she posted recently. Maybe that’s part of it. I despise hypocrisy and I feel like a hypocrite today.
I’m sorry that you had a bad day, too! Hopefully we’ll both be back on our game tomorrow.
Tiffani,
Oh no! Not you, too! 🙂
You are right it is better than the alternative because at least for the most part we get it right. It’s just so overwhelming to have days like that and it creates a lot of self-doubt, not to mention self-loathing!
I thank you so much for telling me about your egg-dropping comment. It was great of you to share that!
Evie
Oh, Honey.
I’m sorry to to have come just now… when the babes want a snuggle and a story.
You know too well that I’ve been there, friend.
I’ll comiserate tomorrow, okay?
Much loves to you.
xxxooo
Steph
I too have days like this it’s usually when I’m just really tired and impatient or getting PMS. I beat myself up too but you know what parenting in the way of mindfulness and respect is so worth it. The truth is that those times are very few overall and it’s usually moments not whole days so we can just regroup and do better in the next moment. Thanks for being real!
You know Steph, it could be PMS actually. My you-know-what usually comes around the 8th of the month but for the last six weeks it has come every 2 weeks or so. Doesn’t that sound like fun?
You’re right though that the instances are not the norm and certainly better than what we were doing.
Thanks to you and everyone else for the support!
I wanted to ask if you knocked your head when you fell from the wagon, or did you just bruise your butt?
🙂
My bout a few days ago was so wicked that I knew it had to be pms. Imagine my chagrine when come the next morning, no dice.
Oh.
Well.
Guess it’s just me and my horrid self to blame!
Yuk.
I came through, though.
And lived to tell the tale!
It was a rough two days, though.
har-dee-har-har….my head.
My butt is too big to sustain a major injury.
Just wondering if you realize that there are 2 of us 🙂 Stephanie’s that is.
Oh for goodness sake! Imagine that comment in the voice of Brenda Leigh Johnson on The Closer. Love her…
NO i didn’t know there were two Stephanie’s here!!! LOL Oh, that gave me such a good laugh this morning. I would have continued to merrily comment along, never thinking there might be more than one!
Thank you so much for the heads up.
I hope you will continue to post comments here. Now I’m off to check to see how many of your comments I have mistakenly identified as someone else’s!
Evie
LOL!!! I think I’ve only commented a couple times because I just found your blog recently.
Stephanie has commented on my blog but I knew it wasn’t me 🙂