Well, I have to admit that lately I have really been struggling with unschooling. It’s so much harder to do because it’s not the original intent I had when I became a parent. Moments with my youngest son really tend to test my committment to this way of life as well. He’s so excited that he doesn’t get yelled at anymore or get in trouble that he feels no qualms about doing whatever the hell he wants, regardless of whether it destroys someone else’s property or not. I have been hoping that by respecting him as an equal he would begin to respect others as well and, maybe that will happen in time. He’s had 5 years of terrorized parenting so certainly any changes to his thought process aren’t going to happen overnight. The past few days have been especially hard because I’ve been down for the count with a ferocious stomach bug and my hubby couldn’t stay home from work to help me with the kids. Friday was terrible because I needed to sleep (had been up all night) and the kids were just going buck wild. They had to fend for themselves all day and were bickering quite a bit. I didn’t get much sleep and was pretty upset all day. Unreasonable, I know. they’re only 5 and 7. It was just really hard not to feel sorry for myself when there wasn’t anyone around to help me out.
My mom told me yesterday that Ryan “needs” tough discipline because he’s just like my younger sister. In the very next breath she told me how hard she tried to discipline her and nothing ever worked. Ummm, anyone else see the contradiction there? My younger sister is very strong-willed and opinionated which are two qualities I admire her for. She lacks sensitivity to others feelings and has no qualms about getting into strong-toned conversations with people which make me uncomfortable but she is able to stand up for herself where I am not. Thank god my parents couldn’t get her strong-will to fade away. Who knows what would have happened to her without it? For all the struggles I have with Ryan I want him to be who he is meant to be. It’s just been so very difficult for me to learn how to deal with him without feeling like he is running me over like a freight train.